Category Archives: birth

Home, At Last!

A Cute House on A Cute Street, Much like ours

We did it.  We have our own house.

Getting to this point (for me) has been a long, arduous, expedition.

Post high school wrap up: After trying out an assortment of colleges, moving all around (Virginia, LA, Massachusetts, VT, my hometown), two kids, a failed marriage, several failed attempts at a graduate degree (first in hocus pocus, then in teaching), and many, many years of intergenerational living (a fancy way to say I gave up and moved back home), it is SO nice to feel the success of completion.  The last 14 years have been very, very hard! Don’t get me wrong, there was a lot of fun and joy throughout those hard years. All the patience (aka endless procrastination) has finally paid off.

After 4 undergrad colleges, I got a BA.  After 3 graduate schools (all in different subjects, lol) I got an MBA! After a failed marriage and roughly 50 books about relationships, knowing the self, improving the self, personality theories, finding the one, being a good dater, and aspects of good marriages, I found myself a mate.

He was at grad school too.  Of course I didn’t decide to like him until we were almost completely finished with our 3 years of being in class together, being partners in our classes, and rearranging our schedules to take classes together (so we could work on projects together instead of taking our chances with whatever random partner we would get otherwise)… So we dated for almost a year (heck we didn’t realize we had already been dating for 3!) and then eloped.  After 11.5 months of careful saving and planning, we were able to buy a house!!!

At long last, I have everything I could have ever hoped for: a perfect-for-me husband, 2 great kids, an education, and a beautiful home. (#gratitude)

I recently read a tweet which referred to an article and some work being done about c-section babies and how it can be hard for us to feel effectual.  Um… yes! I really liked this article because it gave me a handy reason for why it has taken me so very long to get my act together.  The author’s main premise is that because a fetus’ goal is to get the heck out of the womb (at the right time) and that it is a baby-driven (with the help of some hormones) initiative, the interruption of this process for a cesarean (necessary or not, emergency or not) creates a feeling of disempowerment for the baby (read: and the child, and the adult if not treated).  The three main symptoms cited by Dr. Emerson are “stuck & unable to move,” “giving up,” “intruded upon & misunderstood,” and “rescue fantasies.”  I can certainly relate to the “stuck & unable to move” and the “intruded upon/misunderstood” symptoms as well as the tactile issues he mentions elsewhere in the article.

I am a bit of a sucker for any kind of psychological explanation.  I almost always have some type of psychology-themed paperback in hand (or three or four, which gives my husband ample fodder for teasing).  But you know what, for all the excuses people make in life (myself especially) it is nice to have a reason, WHY.  Having a reason WHY makes it possible to strive to create better conditions for next time, or for others…

My son was born through emergency c-section.  I certainly don’t want him to take 14 years to become a grown up! (Unless it takes 14 years because he is having a wonderful time traveling the world, surfing, and exploring his passions.  That would be fine with me.)  I want him to feel empowered, effective, in control of his destiny, happy.

I don’t know if my “failure to launch” was influenced by my birth, my muddled path, or just plain chance.  I do know that finally graduating from that weird purgatory of in-between is about as heavenly as anything I have ever experienced!  And now that I have this mild obsession with home-ifying our new house, subsequent posts will likely address the myriad joys of painting, repairing, and beautifying.  Stay tuned!